The sun is filled with ice and other lies. (emotionally malnourished)

Every fool that falls,
Falls a bit faster.

Everytime he falls
he finds some reason
some shameful mechanism,
to get up and fall again.

With every winter gone by
I write a letter
And if I were to live forever
I'd do it all the same.

It is addressed to some fool
in the future
older and maybe looser
just in case that he forgets,
the things he used to say

Today may be the day...
I know there is music in my heart,
yet its early to let go.

BigSoccer post from 2/3/2006 on a thread titled "Mexican Pride"

I was born in a small rancho in Jalisco and lived there for the first 10 yrs of my life. I came to the States in '88.

A co-worker asked recently why I was so proud of my Mexican heritage. I work in a predominantly geriatric caucasian office. Usually I would just say something smart-ass, like "I'm Mexican, that's why" or just completely ignore the question. I'm friendly like that. But I felt compelled to actually interact with her for a change. I answered her that I was not only born in Mexico...I spent the first decade of my life there, (I don't think she knew this) in what I considered to be the best childhood ever.

I explained to her that those formative years were spent being trained to feel pride when I see an eagle devouring a snake while perched on a cactus, same as she was trained to feel pride when she sees the stars and stripes. I don't know if she was satisfied with this but I walked away nonetheless.

I remember being able to catch a train to towns 30-50 miles away on my own as a child. I remember having one rule as a kid, be home for lunch at 2pm, that was it!! I roamed streets like a madman. I'd ride my bike with other kids to the river and go swimming. I'd come home from school and head straight to the local soccer field, which was behind our enormous back lot (that proximity explains the obsession and skills). I knew the exact spot on the edge of town, by the Roman aqueduct, behind the train tracks, that would produce the best echo I ever heard.

The town was at the foot of steep hill where an old cross "Cruz Vieja" was placed by its Jesuit founders. I'd take hikes up the hill and sit up there for hours reading and looking at the tiny valley and most of the people go about their lives. I'd talk my cousin Rene into riding our bikes to the nearest town for the sole purpose of fighting other kids. We'd stroll into town park our bikes and wait for anybody around our age to show up and proceed to tell them they were " a bola de mugrosos and pig fuckers". They were, that's why we kicked their ass.
I remember listening to "Porfirio Cadena el Ojo de Vidrio" on the radio. I remember Sixto and Burbujas on T.V. I vaguely remember Tuesday nights being the Cantinflas cartoon night on Channel 2...Cantinflas cartoons kicked ass. I have a ton of awesome memories that could have me sitting here writting for days.

Veronica

I love the taste of tangerine
when I taste on your lips
my tongue licks them clean

I couldn't tell which part of you
i'm more scared to lose
your flesh, your love

rosesgrow

Roses grow to be food for worms
poets love that shit
microphones keep spitting songs
no one seems to need

Not so cold in the cold december
as decembers used to be
not so cold by the dying embers
of the boy who once was me.

Winter of Discontent...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.


Every time I'm channel surfing for some sort of entertainment and land on a news channel I'm reminded of this quote. Luckily I still get up and go to work everyday (except for Furloughs).
If the people of this country were not so fervently attached to what their supposed leaders are feeding them and in the process dividing them...it would be an excellent time for the inevitable change of an evolving society.

Nostalgia

I went to Daisy's first ever soccer practice yesterday. Even though she is already ten and most kids start soccer as early as five (some cases three), she looks to be athletic enough to be able to play competitively with her age group. Sitting on the grass under a cool shady tree watching her run drills made feel proud and a bit nostalgic.
Most of my childhood soccer memories stretch back to the home country. Running around every afternoon in the town soccer field with the shade of the southern mountains slowly overtaking the field. The pickup games not ending well after most of us could not see the ball in the dark. Some of the parents coming down the two roads leading to the field yelling for their respective kids. There is something to be said for just letting kids play...making their own rules, learning as they go along. Just being free.
I played high school, college, and competitive soccer later...but the pickup games were the best.

Things I've Learned so Far:

1. Be careful when you speak to children. You never know what they’ll remember. Some of my most vivid memories are from childhood.
2. Respect all women. All of them. Even the ones that carry themselves in a manner undeserving of respect.
3. A person’s basic personality is magnified and/or revealed by the consumption of alcohol. A jerk is an asshole, a bore is a stiff and so forth. If we haven’t shared in aforementioned consumption I don’t know you and consequently I don’t trust you.
4. Having your happiness be entirely dependent on another person is both absurd and irrational
5. Falling in love is wonderfully amazing. Being in a loving relationship requires patience, care, devotion, and the willingness to endure some doubt. Most of us are not cut out for this.
6. Once in a while do something that you know nobody else wants to do or you have been putting off. Be it because it is too hard, too menial, or the consequences might bring discomfort.
7. Given the choice between faith and ethical nihilism, I choose to believe.
8. I’ve never had to bear any significant hardship in my life. I’m grateful and a bit fearful about this.